I've struggled with weight my whole life and was often the fat one in my friend group. I wasn't morbidly obese but was heavy enough to be considered on the border or medically obese for a long time.

When I turned 19, I went on a strict calorie-cut diet and lost weight, and got to a healthy weight. The calorie cut was intense as I was counting every gram of food I ate, and didn't allow myself to go over more than 40-50 calories in a day. If I went over, I'd have to make up for it by working out with extra cardio or eating less the next day. During this cut, I purged for the first time when I binge ate after losing control for a night. But I lost weight and was happy for a time, finally not disgusted by what I saw in my reflection. I purged twice over the course of the 8 months I was on the cut when I gave into temptations and binge ate.

I stopped being strict with the diet and went back to eating whatever I wanted and after a year and a half, I gained all the weight back. It didn't bother me much at the time as my girlfriend at the time reassured me she loved me whether I was thin or chubby. But eventually, I wanted to be at a healthy weight again and I went back on a strict calorie cut. Lost the weight again and ended up having two nights where I purged because I broke my diet calorie rule and felt too guilty to let all the food get broken down. I told myself it would be the last time.

Just like before, I lost the weight and gained it back. But now, I'm getting health issues like knee pain and high blood pressure due to weight gain. In addition, I've begun to hate how I look in the mirror and don't feel good about myself due to how I look and how fat I've gotten. I've been doing really good on this cut I've been on, keeping within calorie limits, working out, and I see the weight slowly coming off. Losing about 1-2 pounds a week. However, it's really hard to avoid the bad foods that I enjoy but know are just calorie bombs. Last night, I got really bad cravings, and eating a granola bar turned into eating 2 more full-course meals. As soon as I finished the food, the realization of what I'd done hit me, and realized I had gone well over 500 calories over my maintenance calories and so purged as much as I could to ease the guilt.

So over the past 6 years, I've purged about five times. It's not something that happens often but it's hitting me that my view on food may not be the healthiest. My question for Reddit is, is this bulimia? I imagined that bulimia is when you purge way more often but I opened up to my friend about this, she said once you purge the very first time, it doesn't matter how long the period is between purges, you're bulimic. I don't know how to feel about all this.