Yo, so I'm a 19 year old college student whose been on quite the journey the past year or so. I've recently self-actualized and finally figured out the answer to the question "Who am I?" and I'm gradually accepting that it is okay to be who I am. More specifically , I like who I am and I wouldn't want to change any fundamentals. By myself, I really like who I am. I feel boundless, unstoppable, at peace.

But with others, I don't. I feel like a shell of myself. Being around others makes me feel vulnerable, humiliated, ashamed, upset, afraid. I don't like it. I've become so energized by myself and knowing myself that I've become less focused on others and pretty self-absorbed. I just don't have much of a curiosity about other people even though I want to. I don't feel particularly close to anyone, not even my family who I love.

As I learn more about myself, I understand that I'm very individualistic, autonomous, and goal-oriented. I constantly imagine the future where I get to do and have all the things I want, a house, a car, a fulfilling career. But when I think of the future, even the near future, I see myself as being alone. Not necessarily lonely just not with anyone at all. No friends, no romantic partners, no sexual partners. Barely even my family. I see no one, just me, accomplishing my goals and being really happy.

I think it is because what truly connects me to the Earth, my raison d'être if you will, isn't other people, but myself and improving myself, achieving my ends, and seeking out pleasant experiences. So relationships would be largely supplemental. And I don't want that, I want to be connected with everyone and have meaningful, intimate relationships. But I fear that I'll never connect to anyone, I can't even connect to my family.

Am I going about this wrong? Are relationships just not for me? I could really use some help. I'm not sure what to do.