Hello everyone,

Some of my longest-standing internal narratives have always been that I am incapable of love and for whatever reason, I can't do romantic relationships right. That there's something off with me that prevents me from truly connecting to others. I don't know how true that is, but considering my past relationship history, I'm inclined to think there is some truth to it.

Moving on, after watching Heartstopper and seeing a bunch of media that shows positive same-sex relationships, as a gay man, it made me sad because I thought to myself that I'll never have that or be healthy enough for a genuine romantic bond with someone else. I just want to connect with others but I can't do it properly or whenever I do, I do something wrong that ruins it.

I want to be able to hold hands and kiss dudes and be in the moment. And I want to be to actually express myself without holding back. And I want to actually be there for someone, to rely on someone, and to not be afraid all the time. Whenever I imagine myself with someone I always look so distorted because it just seems impossible for me. I don't want it to be like that anymore, I want to connect with others. But I don't know how.

Any advice?