Hey y'all, so considering how this sub helped me in the past with developing a healthier relationship with logic and reason post-anti-SJW phase, I figured this sub would help me with something else that's on my mind: personality responsibility (visualize like a rainbow with that).

So, my issue as I understand it as I don't really feel much obligation to others. I just don't. There are a lot of things I can do to help the people around me, my parents for example who I live with during this gap year, and while I do help begrudgingly like cooking and cleaning, my mom is trying to get me to report to a substitute teaching job.

Now, I said originally that I was only going to do 1 day a week, but she insisted that I do 2 days a week at minimum right away, because she is working difficult, long hours five days a week, and I'm not really doing anything. Though I would disagree with the last point, I do see the rest of what she's saying and eventually agreed to do 2 days a week. The reason why I was so reluctant to do any more is because this is a new experience for me that gives me lots of anxiety and I already take French classes in the week so I didn't want to do more than I could handle. I don't want to burn out and quit.

But while I was able to come around to her perspective, it's very hard for me to understand it. The very notion of me doing anything for anyone or having any obligation to others, to let others expect and have power over me, isn't something I like at all, so I usually avoid it as much as possible. I just don't get why anyone would help other people if they couldn't. Does it feel good? Is it fun? I don't understand.

My lack of responsibility and relatively poor impulse control have caused issues in other areas. Most of my conflicts with others are related to me feeling like they just exist and aren't worthy of my thoughts or consideration, and whenever anyone calls me out on this, I just deflect blame onto them, because I imagine it's hard for me to accept the fact that I could ever be responsible for my actions. My actions don't feel real to me, they feel like a robot's doing and like I just an empty vessel acting unconsciously, so I don't understand the concept that my actions are my own and that I am responsible for them.

I just don't think that way. And similarly, other people don't really seem real to me either. I struggle with mentalizing other people existing outside of myself. I can't understand their feelings and I can't care about their problems, even though on some level I really want to, but I just don't get it, and even when I do, I intellectualize it so much that I show no concern for it whatsoever.

The reason why I provide all this context is to give you, the reader, the best information in regards to how to actually be responsible. How can I feel a sense of obligation to others and be okay with, even happy with, doing a service for others just because it's the right thing to? How can I make this better?

Thanks in advanced!