Hey y'all, it is I, a guy.

One of the issues I've recently been struggling with is masculinity and it's really troubling. For the longest time, I didn't give a shit about being manly, but now that I've started getting in touch with my African roots, I suddenly care about being manly? Like masculine force of nature kind of manly. And it frustrates me that I'm weak as fuck. I don't lift. I don't finish projects. I have abandonment issues. I lack confidence. It makes me upset that I have these standards about what it means to be a man that I can't meet myself.

And what's worse, it's making me a worse feminist. I used to have no issues with women talking about women's issues, but now whenever feminists call out toxic man behavior, I get angry? Idk why, but it just bothers me a lot now. Is it because I am defining masculinity in terms of misogyny or something else? I'm not sure.

All in all, I wanna be more manly. I want to have confidence and trust in myself. I want to have guy friends and do guy friend things like play video games or do stupid shit for no reason or take off my short around the homies and no one say a word. It's my dream to just be a regular guy, or at least a regular masculine guy, and I don't know how to get there in a healthy and pro feminist way.

Any help would be appreciated, thx.