In my previous post about marriage to men with additional bromance, I noticed a lot of comments from guys defending the idea that their bro can never be the same dude as their husband. This sparked an interesting conversation, so I wanted to dive deeper into the topic.

A lot of you are saying that marriage and bromance have to be separate—that you need different people to fulfill different needs. But let’s be honest for a second. Why are so many of us comfortable with compartmentalizing our lives this way? Why settle for a marriage where you still feel the need to find a deeper connection with a “bro” outside of it? If that’s the case, isn’t that a sign something might be missing?

Friendships are important, and we all need our circles. But I can’t help wondering, why not aim for a partnership where your spouse fulfills those deeper roles too? It’s almost like some people are scared to admit they married someone who doesn’t fully meet their needs, and instead of confronting that, they’ve decided it’s normal to keep bromance and marriage separate.

I’m not passing judgment on anyone’s choices. I just think it’s worth thinking about. If your marriage is rock solid, that’s great. But if you find yourself constantly searching for that deeper connection with a bro, maybe it’s time to ask yourself why that person wasn’t the one you built your life with in the first place.

I think there’s something to be said for holding out for the person who checks all the boxes—romantically, socially, emotionally. Maybe that’s uncomfortable to think about, but it’s a conversation worth having and the choice I made.