So my brother (36M) got married a few years ago. I have never liked his fiancee, now his wife ofc, and she has never liked me. I always found her to be pretty judgemental and snobbish, and I guess she found me to be a bit hyper and emotional at times.

I'm autistic, and though in recent years I've gotten better with having meltdowns, at the time this took place I had quite a few of them, especially at family events surrounding my father's family because they were quite ableist (I'm also visually impaired)

My brother and his fiancee asked me to be their bridesmaid, which I happily agreed to. My brother's fiance, for the sake of ease I'll call her B, asked me to look for dresses on the internet. She wanted dresses that were a blush pink colour. I scoured the internet, but none of the dresses were what she liked. She bought a few dresses online, and asked me to come over to hers to try them on, with the plan that she would send the ones that weren't right back.

So of course I came. We went upstairs so I could try on the dresses, and one of the dresses had a label on that said 'Maternity'

I have never been a skinny person. Most of it is to do with my medical condition, however I don't always eat as healthy as I should. I asked B why she had bought a maternity dress and she just shrugged it off and just said 'Just try it and let's see.' Wouldn't you know, she liked the maternity dress best of all.

I was a bit upset because I've always been a bit insecure over my weight and didn't want to wear a maternity dress. She said it would be ok, and made me go and show my brother downstairs who said he liked it. B said she would send the others back and that they would definitely be going with the maternity dress.

I tried to put it behind me, even though I didn't feel comfortable in the dress. I decided that she was the bride and it was her day so to just get on with it.

At the time, I was not speaking to my mother. We had had a pretty serious falling out (we have since sorted things out.) Not long after the Dress Incident my brother called me and told me that I would be on the top table and that they had seated me next to my mother. I was obviously upset and asked if I could be moved to somewhere else on the top table. My brother said no, and said that his best man has orders that if I have a meltdown at this event I 'would be removed from the wedding'

I thought about just saying I wasn't coming to the wedding to be honest, but reasoned that this would spoil things for them even more.

In the end, because I had voiced concerns about being seated next to my mother, my brother decided that I would no longer be a bridesmaid. I had already bought shoes and accessories to go with the monstrosity maternity dress.

I went to the wedding as a guest. I did not have to sit with my mother. I did not have to wear The Dress.

I no longer talk to my brother or his b***h of a wife.

EDIT

Thanks for all who replied to this. I agree that I probably overreacted about the maternity dress situation, though the dress was very gathered around the belly area, and I felt it made me look even fatter than I already felt. But yes, it was her day, so I just went with it.

As for the meltdown situation

I think it is unclear what my family constitutes as a meltdown.

About six months before the wedding, my father's side of the family and I went away for the weekend to a fancy hotel. There were lots of events happening, horse riding, falconry, etc.

One day, my father announced that we were doing archery.

I have always been fairly independant, despite my visual impairment, so of course I wanted to try archery. I could see the target, even though I couldn't see any details on it (bullseye etc) but wanted to still give it a go. When I asked my father he basically replied 'Don't be bloody stupid' and got all worked up.

When we got to the archery range, it became clear that the men were allowed to do the archery, while the women were required to just sit and watch. My brother, father, uncle and grandfather all got to do archery, while I, my aunt, my grandmother and my brother's then fiancee were supposed to just watch.

I felt extremely frustrated at this, and struggled with my emotions. After a while, I decided that in order to calm down, I needed to step away for a while, so I went to sit on the grass a few metres from the archery range. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply and tried to kind of meditate and calm down.

After a few minutes, my brother's fiancee came to get me to help her to get drinks for the men because I was making a scene. They class this as a meltdown, even though I don't.

I never have 'tantrums.' The most I do for meltdowns is walk away from an argument and situation.

Thanks.