Disclaimer, the post was deleted and i can't find the cross post option so i got the automods copy of it, the link is in the comments tho

My daughter (33F) wants to have a destination wedding (travel expenses would easily be $1,000 per person). She thinks this is no big deal because there are only a few family members she wants to invite, everyone gets a forced vacation, and it's what they want to do. She also has this dream that it is a way to force her dad to take a nice vacation (we haven't been on a vacation in years.... pre 2005).

SIL-to-be likes the idea, doesn't like the idea of a big elaborate wedding, and only cares that daughter is happy.

My husband and I are willing to pay for a local wedding at a nice venue so family can attend. (I do not want a freebie backyard wedding... not trying to cheap out here and definitely don't want to do the work). We don't want some big over-the-top spectacle any more than the couple do.

When I've tried to explain this plan excludes pretty much everyone, including her dad, her answer is that "it's about our wedding, and what I want, not other people. Am I so wrong to expect my parents to support me?"

My husband is dead set against a destination wedding. He views this as disrespectful to family. Air travel and expense would exclude most family. We have elderly people who can't travel, young adults and people with kids who can't afford to travel, and nobody trustworthy to watch our pets. He's furious that wants to do this and has said he will not attend. I believe that.

I could be ok with destination idea, but not if my husband refuses to go. I feel it is entitled, selfish, and unreasonable to refuse to compromise given the generous and unquestioning financial support we have provided to both of them and our willingness to pay for a local wedding. We've done everything for them. It's not like she can't do a destination party separately.

It's worth noting that my husband and I have supported her exceptionally generously, in every way throughout the last 30 years and through 9 years of education; we have supported SIL as well.

My bet is, if she goes ahead with a destination wedding, hubs will be permanently pissed and LC/NC, permanently destroying our family. Since he won't go, that leaves me solo, which would be lonely, embarrassing, and miserable as well as cause a rift in my marriage.

My daughter says this hurts her because it is supposed to be about her marriage, not what we want or other people. She says she is no longer interested in a wedding because she can't have the destination wedding she wants.

So AweTAs for not supporting a destination wedding? Are we AHs for expecting compromise?

Reminder, we offered to pay for a local wedding at a nice venue that would be easy for everyone to attend and there is nothing to prevent her from having a friends' party at her desired destination.