TLDR; I’m struggling emotionally and mentally with the things cancer has/and or will take from me. I’ve been avoiding seeing my boyfriends family who is visiting from of town. Overall, I think I’m Depressed

35f, I had a lumpectomy with reduction back on March 11. Because of the location of the tumor I lost my right nipple. I’ve been struggling with my body image since but I’m learning to accept it. They removed 7 lymphnodes which all came back negative of cancer, woohoo and my margins are also clear:) however, I still can’t find reasons to be completely happy. I have a great boyfriend who has been at my side since my diagnosis and I am grateful for that .

After speaking withmy oncologist Wednesday, he explained to me a general sense of what the treatment plan will look like and some of the what to expect like I’ll start menopause early and ovarian suppression /ablation and the potential loss of motherhood. All of this is such a crushing blow. Cancer is wearing me down little by little . And what I’ve learned so far is that being young and getting cancer is a really shitty thing.

I am so damn angry and what I am Losing . It’s already taking away so much. It’s chipping away at me little by little . I put on a smile and try to show my positivity but it’s all a lie.

I hate cancer , and I hate what is taking away from me. I know I should be happy that I caught it early but at what cost? I feel like it’s taking my confidence, my spark, my happiness; all The things that everyone always loves about me . But I’m weak, and I feel like I have no one to talk to.

What’s even worse is that my boyfriends family is here visiting from Utah and I have blown them off. And now I’m probably looking like a jerk. Instead, I’ve been home crying and wallowing in my own self pity, isolating myself.