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A rant.
Summer is my favorite season. I’m a Mainer & we don’t get nice weather most of the year so when it’s sunny out, all I want to do is be outside! But I’m currently going through 4 rounds of TC (recently finished my 3rd). I’ll have uncomfortable & severely rippled expanders until mid October. My hair is falling out despite cold capping and I have to arrange it perfectly with hair fibers to make sure none of my bald spots are showing. I’ve gained ~15 lbs due to stress eating & chemo/hormone therapy meds so I’m also the heaviest I’ve ever been. Wearing a bathing suit (between the weight gain, bloating & rippling expanders) makes me SO self conscious.
I’m a surfer but haven’t surfed since April when I had my DMX due to how uncomfortable it is to lay on my stomach & I’ve been trying to avoid more hair loss.
I was also supposed to get married yesterday. It was gorgeous out 😔 I spent all day in bed feeling gross from chemo. (We pushed our wedding date up & got married in the winter before active treatment). So I’m also a newlywed feeling the most unattractive I’ve ever felt despite my husband being amazing and supportive.
I’m just so sick of looking and feeling gross. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t want to participate in any of my usual summer activities; I just want to hibernate. That’s what winter is for!
This sub & FB groups have been so helpful! My friends are amazing but they have no idea what I’m going through (early 30s so most are focusing on careers, growing families, buying homes). So nice to vent to other ladies that can relate.
Ugh, so sorry you’re going through this again. I really appreciate the advice 💕 This summer is definitely for healing & self growth. I’ve had a few dark moments but this process is a good reminder to slow down & be grateful for what I do have (while also taking moments to scream into the abyss about how unfair this all is!).
I’m sorry BC also ruined your wedding/honeymoon plans! So not fair. And just really terrible timing.
Yess I tried paddle boarding (vs surfing) the other day, also not the same. Hoping we both are able to get back to our favorite activities soon! And honestly, TC isn’t as hard as I expected. There are down days (this past weekend was one of them), but I’d say over half of my “off” time (every 3 weeks for me) I’m actually feeling pretty good physically!
Can’t waiiit for my last TC! First week of August 🙌 And can’t wait for next summer either. I like your outlook! It better watch out
Sailing and swimming and biking around New England in the summer is a dream. My 3rd round of chemo was on Wed so I feel you! And of course now the humidity has dropped & everyone’s busy summer bees 🐝
Yes! I’ve made a new local friend who has been through it & that has been so helpful. Looking forward to paying it back ☺️ So far, Toppik hair fibers, walks, slow bike rides, and therapy have been helpful for me during this whole process!
Your response made me tear up…that was so sweet! Thank you for the perspective. I hope you’re doing well now ❤️
So funny you say that because I have taken up bird watching, crochet, and lots of walks this summer! And honestly they’re all pretty enjoyable ☺️ not what I’d prefer to be doing in the summer but still nice ways to pass the time!
Not being able to swim is the worst! technically I can…it would just expose all my bald spots and I’m not willing to publicly show those off 🙃
So good to hear! I know next summer will be better and I’m so excited for it. Glad you’re enjoying this one ☺️
Neulasta makes me feel ancient if I forget to take my Claritin! I’ve never experienced that kind of pain in my bones. Cannot wait for next summer! Hoping you get more camping trips in then ☺️
Love that outlook! Putting the work in this year for better summers to come. I worked on a small island in Prince William Sound years ago (winter into spring) and remember how rare a sunny day was, and how we took advantage of them when they showed up!
This is so good to hear!! I cannot wait for the holidays this year and absolutely can’t wait for next summer ☺️ Glad you’re having a good one! You deserve it after last summer
Ahh thank you! I’ve heard of First Descents but not the other two.
I wish I mentally prepped for chemo! It was a total curveball for me; never brought up as a possibility. But I have lobular BC so it was so tumors were difficult to see on scans. After my DMX they found more so even with a low MammaPrint score it was recommended. Sending you lots of love & support as well 🤍
Yess, honestly the bald spots feel refreshing in this heat and if I wasn’t so self conscious it’d probably be nice! My hair’s patchy bald though with cold capping so really not a good look. Congrats on finishing chemo! Hope you start feeling like yourself again soon so you can enjoy some summer ☀️
Yup! I feel like I’d look so much better in a wig but it’s too hot for me to justify right now. This is the summer of no energy & no hair!
0/10 on the fun scale, that’s for sure!
I’m sorry you’re having to miss those milestones..sending good vibes your way as well!
Yesss I had a couple new friendships I was forming just before my surgery and it’s been such a bummer to continuously have to turn down hang outs because I’m not feeling up to it either physically or mentally. It’s such an isolating time. Glad we have these outlets 💜
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Social media is killing me right now! I might need to take a break. Everyone’s seemingly living their best summer lives. I know it’s all temporary but I’m not a patient person! Sounds like we’re in a similar boat 💕