I recently had a friend tell me that she was resentful that I was not around during the 18 months of my treatment. She felt like I cut her off and didn't appreciate her as a friend.

She was very emotional and angry and said she had a bad year with work and really needed me to be there for her. She told me that I should be able to 'put my experience' to the side and I should be able to empathise with her.

During my diagnoses and treatment, she did not support me emotionally or with physical acts. This did not bother me, it was one less person to worry about. I thought she was respecting the space I needed and I was grateful for that.

She spent several hours telling me how angry she was with me and that she felt I was being defensive and making excuses when I told her that I was in cancer treatment and not talking to anyone or doing anything. That I was trying to survive.

I am struggling to find the words to express how centering yourself in someone else's trauma is wrong and not what a friend would do. I am struggling to find the words to explain how i will never be able to empathise with the fact she didn't have me to support her through her bad year when I myself was in the most vulnerable place I have ever been in.

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