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First day of the year has officially felt the worse
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I was diagnosed IDC on Dec. 4 (1.3 cm in my right breast, 29yo with no fam history) and I have lumpectomy scheduled for Jan. 9 and possible lymph node removal (won't know until after surgery which terrifies me).

I know I will need radiation and hormone treatment but not yet sure if chemo is needed.

I am so nervous, but before today I think I just kept thinking "that's next year me's problem, let me enjoy the holidays". But now it's 2024... it's official. I'm so scared and I have noone to tell this to. My fiancƩe has been pretty traumatized by the diagnosis since cancer has taken a lot of his loved ones, so every time I bring it up he tries to change the subject. And with everyone else I'm trying to keep a strong and positive attitude because I don't want to scare them.

But now I feel so scared and alone. I don't want it to be 2024 yet. I was supposed to be planning my wedding and planning starting a family. Now there's a chance I will be infertile? What a cruel joke.

Everyone here is so cool and I look up to each one of you. I've been lurking here for a long time and have even started to recognize usernames that post often. You're all so amazing and I can't wait to be at the other end of this.

Ok vent over. Sending love and hugs to whoever is reading this šŸ§”

Comments

I truly understand the feelings behind this post; itā€™s good to know weā€™re not alone. Iā€™m 30, was diagnosed on Dec 5th with ILC - and Iā€™m also planning a wedding for 2024 (July) and was hoping to start a family not long after that. Iā€™ve been told by doctors as well as other people in the sub to keep the wedding date! Ultimately itā€™s a totally personal decision and will likely become clearer once you get a solid treatment plan. I had my surgery (lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy) on the 26th and have been waiting on results (the waiting sucks). If I end up not needing chemo, and maybe even if I do, weā€™re planning on keeping our wedding date. However, weā€™re also having a small-ish wedding with about 60 people and with lots of family help. My fiancĆ© has been amazing support but I imagine if heā€™d been through similar trauma to your partner itā€™d be a different story. Whatā€™s the most disappointing to me is my close friends. My best friend just had her first baby in November and it is the busy holiday season, which I keep trying to remind myself, but I feel fairly isolated from them so far. Iā€™ve gotten plenty of ā€œlet me know what I can do to helpā€s but most of the actual help has come from my parents, fiancĆ©, and financeā€™s friends (which kind of hurts to be honest). I feel isolated from my close friends and like theyā€™re off starting their lives while Iā€™m forced to be sidelined for a while longer. Iā€™m about to start counseling and have joined a support group that starts this week to help navigate some of these feelings. This sub has also been super helpful to connect with others having similar experiences and help process this huge shock/life change. In terms of your fertility, start the process of talking to a fertility specialist now if thatā€™s something youā€™re interested in preserving. I just connected with one the week before my surgery and after talking to them I felt a lot better about my options. It turns out my insurance will cover a decent chunk of IVF and there are programs out there (like Livestrong) that will also help with fertility preservation costs.

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1 year ago