Little about us. We are in our first year after being diagnosed and tamoxifen treatments. Our first 17 years of marriage and dating we’ve always had a really good sex life, usually 3-4 times a week on average. Then the diagnosis and treatments started.

We were aware of the side affects of the drugs when she started taking it and figured it can’t be worse than dying or letting the cancer get worse. I was more than aware that it would take some time and patience from me which I am more than willing to give my beautiful wife and not what’s driven me to look for answers to this seemingly common challenge for breast cancer patients and survivors.

What’s really tearing me up regarding our sex life is the impact it’s had on her. We do still have sex on occasion buts it’s very much been reduced to her just trying to keep me happy. Since she’s started tamoxifen she hasn’t been able to orgasm and has almost zero sex desire. The other night we did a special date night and our sex life came up as a topic. She expressed to me that she only wants sex now because she wants to be a good wife and keep me happy. I told her that I greatly appreciate it but I want more for her than just doing a “chore”. This broke her down and started crying. She told me she knows that and it’s really starting to worry her. She had done some research and tried to see if she could give herself an orgasm and couldn’t which in the past had been zero issue for her. She’s now coming up on a year without being able to orgasm or personally want sex. She still has 4-9 more years of the pill and is dying on the inside about the thought she may rarely or never orgasm again. Hearing this killed me. I am open and willing to doing anything to help her but I’m stuck. Her struggle isn’t pain, dryness, or not feeling attractive. It’s almost 100% just never in the mood and can’t finish when she does try.

With all the doctors and medicine in this world there has to be something that helps her. I just want her to be happy and satisfied again at some point in her life. Any tips, tricks, feedback, questions to ask her oncologist or advice would be greatly appreciated.