My partner is honestly super wonderful in so many ways, but he has this one flaw that drives me totally nuts, and it's not taking a lunch to work. He's a manager at a high-end grocery store, and he buys lunch, snacks and drinks there every single day if I don't pack him a lunch. Here's the cost breakdown;

Entree at the restaurant in the store: $18

Snacks: $8-$13 (bakery items, chips, beef jerky, other stuff)

2-3 of some combination of energy drinks, fancy coffees at the coffee bar, or soda: $7-12

On a particularly spendy week (which is not infrequent) he spends almost 1/3rd of his weekly wages. On just lunches. Meanwhile the deli meat and cheese slices and expensive bread he says he likes rots in the fridge. He spends almost a grand a month on lunches.

I've been trying to get him on board with packing a lunch for-e-ver. Years. I've offered up budget sheets, made suggestions for what kind of items he could pack, tried to set a cash budget on what he could spend on coffee etc, pressured him to get in the habit of packing a lunch every night... to no avail. He would try for a day or two and then get back to his regular habits. The only thing I refused to do was make his lunch every day. I'll do it if I have more free time than him that day or if I'm feeling generous but in general I feel like it's his responsibility.

A couple weeks ago I was going over our expenses and I realized he had spent $261 on food for himself in one week. This was right after yet another 'conversation' where he vowed to start packing a lunch. I almost hit the roof. I'm typically contained even when I'm angry, but I was vacillating between yelling and totally giving him the silent treatment. He looked fucking scared. It's not like we have a lot of money. We live in an extremely high COL area. We need a new vehicle as of like a year ago. We need a new home to live in as we've outgrown our two-bedroom 700sq.ft. shithole (our kids at 9 and 11, boy and girl) several years ago. We have debts barely being serviced. I need new clothes dammit! I only have 2 pairs of pants! He can't be blowing a grand a month on something that is essentially worthless! I spend under $100/month on stuff like skincare, makeup, weed etc. The only time I ever spend more is when I absolutely have to buy new clothes for myself because my old stuff is so ragged, or when I have a twice-yearly night out with friends.

He offered to let me take his card from him. He's offered before and I always refused because I wanted him to learn to be responsible and I didn't want to treat him like a child. This time I said yes. Give it to me. You obviously can't be trusted.

So for the past 2 weeks he's been packing lunches. And what do you know... we have money in the bank! Yes even AFTER making our rental payment. Enough for groceries and then some! It's almost as if we aren't impoverished after all! It's almost as if spending outside your means has an impact on your financial situation! Who would have thought!

I'm going to tell him that I am going to keep his bank card from here on out unless he gets 'special dispensation'. I begged him for years to pack a lunch to absolutely no result. 2 weeks in and already we have a huge improvement in our finances. I hate that I have to act like his mom, but really, it's preferable to the alternative of having him live well outside of his means. Sorry not sorry!