It's been almost a month since he went. End of April he went in for a few days because he thought he had a stroke, he had but it was minor and they said he was fine and sent him home. That was on April 24th, and after a few days home he started puking and couldn't keep much food down up until he couldn't even eat and he was always hurting in his stomach which was swelling.

They went to an appointment he had and they said something about cancer, okay no big the gives us time to figure it out then. Then he wouldn't even get out of bed and his pain kept getting worse so on the night of the 7th we sent him to the hospital in an ambulance, Sunday night, and they had to put him on a ventilator and sedate him.

Come Tuesday the doctor tells us there is no way he will leave the hospital alive which is what I learned after my brother picked me up from class. We were still hoping he would pull through, we would find a solution somehow you know.

May 11th, Thursday comes and everything is still the same. My mom was going to go see him with my sister that afternoon and that evening my other sister would take me to see him since I hadn't seen him since Sunday. Nope. Noon rules around and we get the call from the hospital​ that his brother was in charge and he had a DNR so to pull the plug. We barely even made it in time, I had to beg and even got security called on me, but we made it.

He got taken off the machine and didn't stop breathing until about an hour and a half after that, but he didn't wake up even as we talked to him and told him how much we loved him. My 3 year old barely even talked to him because she didn't understand and my 7 year old niece couldn't stop crying while my 10 year old nephew stepped up and told him he loved him.

My mom and sister were with him in his last moments as I went with my sister and our kids to get them out of the room for a bit, when I came back he was already gone. I missed it. He didn't even wake up to say goodbye to us and it all went so fast.

I didn't even talk to him before he went in, he was hurting so much and I was so focused on just getting my daughter out before the ambulance got there because she was so scared last time. I didn't even get to hear him tell me he loved me or for him to say it to me daughter and I can't rember the last time he said it to us or hugged me.

We thought he would be fine, go in a few days and come home. It had happened so many times before and he was always fine, he was our Superman. Multiple strokes and heart attacks, triple bypass surgery, pacemaker for his heart that was barely working last check up. He always made it though.

The first few weeks I was so numb, just taking care of my daughter and making sure everything was okay in the house and with my mom and sister, explaining to my daughter that he wasn't coming home and he just was gone. I held up and took care of whoever seemed to need it, broke down when looking at pictures and hearing his voice unexpectedly on a video.

Then in this last week it is just hitting so hard. My daughter keeps trying to tell people her Papa's gone, she has been with him since birth and he watched her anytime I had school and he was her favorite person. Then when I went to the store, first time leaving her since it happened, my mom called me because she was crying that I wasn't coming back. And every night I get upset because he just isn't here anymore and there is nothing to make that go away.

Every little thing keeps setting me off this week and I just want to bury myself in reading and hiding away but I can't because she depends on me and now she wears his shirts to bed and the house is getting cleaned and everyone is just moving on. Family isn't around as much, no one kept to what they said they would do to help us, my sister and me have to get jobs since the mom she was babysitting for decided abruptly she didn't need her anymore and we can't get by with me as a college student since my dad was such a big source of our income.

TLDR; my dad died suddenly on the 11th, liver cirhossis from hep c, and everything was fine for me at first but now it's just not. I don't know what to do anymore. Or how to get though any of this. He is supposed to be here and be there for graduation and her going to kindergarten and everything. He was our rock. The more time passes the more it feels he is being forgotten and everyone has moved on but us. I miss him so so much. And we don't even have money to do anything for him, he is in a plastic urn for crying out loud. We are all just so lost and I keep breaking apart and he was the one I went to for comfort and everything, he was my daughter's papa and favorite person she did everything with.