I know, I know. It’s probably my aging that I don’t want to accept. Or my period coming soon. Or my 2 pregnancies fault. Or 78 other reasons.

I literally look like I’ve been incarcerated for 8-10 years. I used to be such a baddie. I RUN AWAY from shiny surfaces. I cannot stand to look at myself. I will put myself together for important things. But I can’t be fucking bothered any other time. Even picking up my kids I look actually questionably homeless. If nobody saw me driving up, I’m sure they would wonder why this deranged woman is hanging off the kindergarten chain link fence.

I’m not in a good place mentally and I know that’s not helping my body image issues right now. But I AM overweight and issues related to that are really bothering me.

I just can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe I would be able to focus on myself if I didn’t have a 350 pound man child sucking the life out of me every fucking second.

Since November, he’s been having these weird health issues. We have been to SO MANY FUCKING DOCTORS and finally figured out what it is. His blood pressure is hilariously high. Like the worst I’ve ever seen. I thought it was a joke and the machine was broken. Anyways. Gets meds for that and cholesterol and pre diabetes.

You know what this fucking loser moron idiot says after a week of taking them?! “Omg I feel like a new person! I don’t have to diet anymore!” I swear to god I started crying. How can someone be so fucking dumb? He’s still drinking. Pain meds. And smoking and vaping!

I’ve spent the last 4 months so focused on his dumb ass, I’ve been ignoring myself even worse than I normally do, and completely overlooked something that’s going on with OUR son.

I was so busy catering to him and chauffeuring him around that I couldn’t detect something off with my boy.

I am so fucking mad right now. Last night I crashed out. Epically. Told him if he complains of one more fucking thing I’m done. He’s on his own. I do not give a shit. He clearly doesn’t. You want to be almost 200 pounds overweight. Be my guest. Leave me out of it. Go kill your self slowly BY yourself. I used to feel bad for this asshole. He had a lot of bad shit happen in a short amount of time, but it’s been a few years and I don’t really have sympathy anymore. Get your shit together or get the fuck out of MY house.