I need some outside opinions/ idea's, as I can't think straight about this, and everyone I'd normally talk to is too close to the issue.

I have 3 kids, 7,7, and 4. One of my 7 year olds is on the heavy side. Not super big, but enough that we've had some blood work done to make sure it's not anything we need to worry about. He's active, eats well balanced meals, we don't do a ton of screen time. He has ADHD so I do limit sugar and we mostly have a high protein diet.

I've struggled with my weight my entire life, have an eating disorder, and also spent years used food as my solution for everything. I got help and was at a normal weight when I met my husband, but after kids it was really hard to loose the extra weight. Hubby didn't like how much I weighed, and anytime he would bring it up he would say "I don't want to sound like an asshole.." To the point where if I ate something he thought wasn't 'healthy' enough for me he would ignore me for days, we had 6 month of no sex as a way for him to motivate me to loose weight (Spoiler alert: It didn't work and killed our sex life). We split in the summer, and low and behold, I lost a ton of weight in the last few months, so I think the stress of the marriage wasn't helping me lose it either.

My issue is that he is now telling our kids that being fat is bad, eating too much sugar makes you fat, fat people are lazy. And our daughter is parroting this back to her twin brother. I hate it. I hate it so much. I can see my son struggling and internalizing this, and don't want him going down the same path as me. My messaging is that food is neutral, and it always has been. We don't assign good and bad, but we talk about how it makes our bodies and minds feel. I think I'm trying to give them the healthy relationship with food that my mom (who also struggles with it) didn't give me.

I'm also struggling as they are coming home and telling me that daddy lets them eat as much candy and chocolate and chips as they want, but that pasta has too many carbs. My daughter is refusing food because daddy and her grandmas said they're unhealthy.

How would you respond to this? I just keep telling them that that is daddy's opinion, and I know that he can eat anything he wants and doesn't gain any weight, so I know he thinks it's a simple problem with a simple solution. But as someone who has spent 35 years struggling with it, I know it isn't.