I've posted before about my (41F) relationship with my husband (43M).

I shouldn't be doing this but I'm reflecting on the things he did regarding his interactions with other women right from the beginning.

We'd been dating for a few months when we went to a work conference together. We were saying "I love you" at this point and spending most nights together. One presentation at the conference was done by two women. When the younger, more attractive woman took her turn to speak, my husband's energy changed. It's like I could FEEL his attraction to this woman. I felt invisible sitting beside him for the 30-40 minutes that she was presenting and answering questions. He had had his hand resting on the back of my chair, but he removed it and sat up straighter to listen to her.

After the presentation was done, I convinced myself I had been imagining things. We went back to our hotel room at the end of the day. He mentioned that there was a social gathering and that we should go. We had previously agreed we wouldn't go to it since I was training for a bodybuilding competition and don't drink alcohol.

Then he said what floored me: "I wouldn't mind picking the brain of that XYZ chick."

I asked, "Which one?" I was hoping he would say the other woman who had presented since she was the one who had more detailed information and had answered most of the questions people were asking.

He said, "The smart one. The one with glasses." That was the young, attractive one. I was devastated. I hadn't been imagining anything.

I admitted to him that I could tell he was attracted to her and that I'd hoped I was wrong. It's one thing to be attracted to someone for a moment, but he was actively planning on seeking her out with me there. The whole situation felt so gross to me. We did not go after this conversation, but then he asked, "You're not going to do anything to like, get back at me, are you?"

I'm certain all of this kind of behavior is why he was always accusing me of looking elsewhere and being paranoid about me going to work functions, school events, the gym, etc. on my own. Because he was always on the prowl himself, putting out "feelers" to other women to give them attention or get attention himself. If I hadn't had been at various events with him, he wouldn't been chatting up the women he found attractive.