I've been trying to establish a FWB situation, and it dawned on me...what exactly are the benefits?
Community dick? LMAO That is not a benefit. The challenges and dangers of sex outweigh the joy of it IMHO. The male gaze? LOL it's cheap and easy. It means nothing. I've been chasing male validation and it has left me with nothing but a false sense of self. I hate meaningless things.

I'm so tired of my day-to-day duties. Laundry, cooking, diapers, getting mad at my STBXH, children crying, and endless variations of bargaining. The joke is that those things are the meaningful things. Grasping at 5 more minutes of solitude. Chugging coffee. Pretending endlessly. Worrying and hiding it because I'm the nonchalant one. Excitement is fleeting. I wanted to get back at my STBXH, but I know it will blow up in my face. Plus, I just look at the shmuck and I wish he was different. He is my type, everything I wanted, but I hate him...truly. And that's devastating. I've had FWB situations when I was a fucking teen and they always end up the same. It's not who I am, I can't separate or "perform" like that (no offense). I wish I could, but I hate intimacy. I hate being perceived even more so. And I kinda don't like sex irl. I'm going to stay home and watch Poor Things. LOL FML