Im on my phone ao sorry if the formatting is strange.

I'm currently staying with friends but tomorrow, for the sake of my kids, I'll be going home.

I left for a few days because... he didn't stop when I asked him to, just changed what act he was doing. Apparently it was my fault for not being clear and repeatedly telling him to stop. A month ago he did the same, didn't stop when I asked and claimed it was a miscommunication.

He doesn't want me to call it rape because he didn't intend it that way.

I wish I could say this was new behaviour but a lit of the early mot ha of our relationship had this same pattern of him carrying on after I asked, begged, him to stop and always because he didn't think I meant it, or didn't realise it was upsetting me or whatever. Until I stopped trying to stop it. After all, he claimed that was how he showed he loved me.

It not just this either. Any time he emotional hurts or upsets me its because I took what he said or did wrong or I wasn't clear enough about my wants/needs.

I have lost count of the number of "I need help with the kids /help with the housework / more affection / more emotional support / more non-screen time with you" conversations we've had but nothing changes.

I have let myself bend to him so much that he makes almost all the decisions either directly or indirectly. Like where and when we go grocery shopping, what we do at weekends, even when I can go to sleep (he watches TV in our bed) are all decided by him with little to no input from me. And if I do ask to do something there's usually some sort of "Can we do my thing first" restriction.

He phoned me tonight in tears wanting another chance to fix it because he apparently has no idea what he's done wrong. And the sad fact is I honestly don't think he does. But this isn't our first go round this carousel and after 16, and especially having spent so long in therapy in recent months rebuilding the self worth my parents stripped away when I was a child, I don't think I want to give him that chance.

But we have kids. And I haven't worked in 15 years. And I have £8000 in credit card debt in my name (while he makes all the money). I don't know if I can walk away so easily. But Is hourly try to... right?