I remember 7 years ago when I was literally days away from getting pregnant by him. I was sick of his emotional abuses and fucked up companions, I remember vividly that I broke up with him. He begged me to stay after I told him that I would collect my things from his place. Lol I should have left my shit there and never looked back. I can't believe myself. I was so close....now I have to navigate this shit economy and this shitty rental market with these stupid job certificates with kids...by myself hahaha I am in such a bad place. Can't even reframe my thoughts. I am so fucked and overwhelmed. Literally, I live in a mental hospital in my mind. I can't even pretend like I want to build anything with him which is creating a lot of unspoken tension. Frankly, I can't even handle the guilt of what I've done to my kids. I do not want to live anymore lmao I don't want to be a Scrum master, writer, data analyst or any of that. I don't want to be anything. I don't care.