​

​

​

These last few days have been volatile. I'm trying to acquire my education while keeping up with my kids and such. I am currently no-contact with my bio mom. My partner still keeps her in the loop despite my wishes against it...as an act of spite masqueraded as "she's your mom and she's all alone :( "

However, my partner made me cave into giving her our new address. She can't drive, so whatever. She's not a good person and there were times when she really hurt me as a child. She's threatened to put me in a mental hospital all the while egging me on. She puts me in a really bad headspace. My partner knows this and doesn't care at all. She sends my kids gifts now. Yesterday, we got a letter in the mailbox from her. Something told me to just pick out the treats and to ignore the written correspondence. I read it. She addressed my last child as the youngest of 6.Y'all, I had 2 pregnancy losses and she included the dead ones (They passed on before the 2nd trimester but still, I had to have a procedure to remove one of them..because it was still in there). I thought I was ok, but I really wanted to throw the fuck up and die. And what really put salt in the wound? I had thrown away a bunch of breastfeeding devices that day and I was already "not feeling well". I'm no contact with her and she does that trying to be slick and when I get mad or show any kind of reaction she starts saying that I'm crazy. holy fuck lol i wish i had good news, folks.. I hate my body. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to heal before having kids because I feel like the odds of my success are stacking up against me. Holy shit. Painful.