It's the time for New Year's Resolutions, so let's take a moment to reflect on the last few months in this sub and set some goals moving forward.

RECAP: We saw a huge increase in subscribers in the last half of the year, crossing the 100k threshhold after a good couple of years hovering in the 80,000s. We're doing our best to adjust, including implementing measures like Crowd Control which holds comments from anybody who doesn't have a net positive karma in the sub. This has helped us ban trolls before their shitty comments are seen by anyone else and reduces the instances of you guys having to report dads, childfree goblins and illiterate GTFO candidates. We have periodically had to remind everyone of (a) what the rules are and (b) how to interact with each other in this space. This post is serving as both an update and another one of those reminders.

REMINDERS: Stop downvoting people just because you disagree with them. We continue to have people ending up spam-filtered or deleting their post (or entire account) because they said they spanked their kid or whatever and the downvote dogpile and shitty comment brigade wouldn't let that stand. If somebody admits they're not a mom, or they're ripping into OP, by all means downvote them BUT ALSO REPORT IT. And for the love of cheese & wine don't be the one ripping into OP yourself. I don't care how strongly you feel about not spanking or not swearing in front of kids or whatever the hell else OP said that you just personally disagree with on a moral level. This is not the place for that. Support OP, or shut the fuck up and exit the thread/subreddit.

This also goes for upvoting unsupportive/scolding/shitty comments. Seriously, what the crap is that about? Not only does that result in people arguing with us that they didn't actually break the rules or say anything wrong because "ThE cOmMuNiTy AgReEd WiTh mE!" it also makes OP feel even worse AND gives everybody else the idea that that's the vibe of this place when it very much is not, should not be, and will not be so long as I'm drawing breath on this miserable ball of shit called a planet.

And stop playing Devil's Advocate! Stop theorizing about the other party's wounded feelings or justifying their behavior or defending their choices. They're not the ones in here asking for support. You will not get a cookie for supporting the person OP is ranting about. You will, however, invalidate OP's feelings, make her feel like shit, ruin her day and betray the trust & safety of this space. If you feel that strongly that OP's feelings are unsupportable, consider whether they might just be trolling and report the thread to let us mods handle it. 9 times out of 10 when somebody seems like they're just trolling to make you agonize over whether to follow the rules or tell them the truth, that's exactly what they're doing and we're happy to swing the banhammer their way. Don't get sucked into their game by arguing with them.

UPDATE: This has previously not been in the official ruleset but that will be getting an overhaul, both to accommodate removal reasons in the Reddit app and to resolve some content issues that have cropped up. Most notably, we have had a filter in place to (attempt to) remove posts that ask "am I the asshole?" because, well, there's already a sub for that and if you really want to hear that you're the asshole, you should post it there where that response is allowed. Here, telling OP they're the asshole violates our support rule so at most you can use the "change my view" flair for when you want a different perspective that is still respectful of your own. In light of all that, we are expanding the AITA embargo to include any posts that ask "am I overreacting?" Because that's basically the same question, with the same problem - anyone who would say "yes you're overreacting" is automatically being unsupportive.

TL;DR - This sub's primary tenet is "no judgment." So quit asking us to judge you. You're not the asshole. You're not overreacting. Just express your valid and legitimate feelings and let us support you.

A note on post-stalking: this is generally not cool. If you're pointing out a pattern in OP's partner's behavior that worries you, that's one thing, but using someone's history to "gotcha" them in the comments or call them out as a troll/fake is not acceptable. If you think someone's history indicates they're trolling, just report it directly to us mods and let us handle it. If you think their history just makes them look bad, fuck off & mind your own business.

CONCLUSION: Remember why we're here. Motherhood is fucking HARD. A lot of it SUCKS ASS. You are not a bad mom for finding it hard or talking about how much ass it sucks. You are not a bad mom for periodically weighing the pros & cons of defenestrating your children. You are not a bad mom for getting angry, or depressed, or coming completely unglued from stress, and if you are, then you're in good fucking company. We are here to extend to each other the same empathy, grace, understanding and kindness that we want others to extend to us. And yes, that includes those of you who think you don't deserve it because you absolutely fucking do. We can't babysit your kids (probably, who knows how close some of us might live to each other) but in all other respects THIS IS YOUR VILLAGE. One day we'll buy that private island and establish our mommune with no husbands allowed but until then, please cherish this place. If this sub devolves into the same shit-flinging monkey circus that makes up the rest of Reddit, then all is lost.