They've (both F38) been attracted to each other since grade school but scared to explore it in part b/c they thought it would mean my wife would be cheating on me (M43) with her. Let's call my wife Emily and her friend Sherry.

Sherry's been single forever and figured out she was demisexual and bi about a decade ago. Emily figured out she's demi in the last year and while she'd been fantasizing about Sherry "forever", she only recently admitted to herself that it's more than that.

Sherry has been dating more often in the last few years as perimenopause set in and kicked up her sex drive and baby cravings plus realizing she ideally would want a partner. She had some past trust issues and bad experiences that had turned her off to the concept for a long time. Well, a couple years ago she started trying to date women as well. Keep in mind, being demisexual, she doesn't want to hop into bed, plus she has a very busy career - these weren't fast-moving relationships.

My wife and I have developed crystal clear communication over the last year (like absolutely anything of significance we think/feel we share even if we risk hurting the other - we tell each other anyway). So my wife mentioned she felt irrationally jealous of Sherry seeing other women, but not her. (She had already been able to admit her attraction to Sherry months earlier.)

We were all camping out around a fire one night and drinking a little. Emily had fallen asleep under a blanket. Sherry and I were talking. I may have outed my wife as to her jealousy concerning Sherry dating women. Apparently, Emily was actually awake, but feigned remaining asleep she told me later. Anyway, I'd been talking to Sherry about my low-key midlife crisis, irrational desires, and how I'd figured out I have "compersion" which is basically the opposite of jealousy.

It was normal for them to spend the weekends together sometimes throughout our entire relationship, but as I had made it clear I would have zero objection to them exploring romantically, they did enjoy some making out last time. Since I'm here to brag, I guess I can point out that they are both smoking hot. My wife is a boob man (like me)'s dream and Sherry is a leg man's dream and they are both somewhat athletic too. I admit, I'd dreamed about them sometimes together, often with me too plenty of times randomly over the years. I've known them both since they were in HS.

The thing is, I've always held a lot of affection and genuinely cared about Sherry this entire time, but I'd get awkward around her b/c I'm not about to cheat on my wife ever and yet I feel the attraction too so it can be confusing. This past weekend, I got to explain all of that plainly to Sherry with Emily right there with us. Sherry said she just wanted all good things for both of us - to which I emphatically got to agree on feeling the same. I got to express directly, not just through my wife, that I love that they can explore their love for each other more deeply. Sherry, really needed to hear that directly. I even admitted later that before I'd started dating Emily, I'd considered asking Sherry out. I made it clear I don't have to have anything to do with their exploration, that it's not about me, but that I feel like being able to offer my consent is an acceptable way to express my affection for Sherry and that feels great. I was scared to say it back, but Sherry said she loved both of us (while looking at me) and I've resolved to her to be more open about my affection.

I believe all of this is possible in large part b/c we're selfless with one another, we trust each other, and b/c they both accept that I genuinely don't want anything from them that they don't themselves want. I won't be acting on my attraction to Sherry - neither of them would appreciate that, but all of my feelings are in the open with both of them now and it's very liberating.