I live with my partner Lake and our partner Jason. Lake has 50% custody for their nearly teenaged kid. Me and Lake have been together for 5 years and are currently in a very rough patch. We're on a sort of break right now. The kid doesn't know yet. We didn't want to involve them till we knew where we stood with one another.

There was a pretty messy divorce 2 years ago, which led to the ex-wife bonding with the kids mother, and going no contact with Lake. To this day she still refers to herself as the "step mom". It's complicated and was a bit traumatic and the kid is in therapy.

further clarification for any confused, but for those whom need a mono-normative lense: long term partner of 5 years has 50% custody of kid and we are likely breaking up. Last time my partner ended a relationship with someone who knew their kid it was traumatic for the kid. Me partner and kid live in the same household.

This year they are playing on a sports team at school. I was really excited and was ready to go to every single game. But now me and Lake are on the fence and I'm not so sure we're going to make it. I've decided that it would be best for the kid If I don't further involve myself in ways, I am not already involved in their life. They rely on me and I support them and I want to make sure they have that support. I also want to make sure that in the event that me and Lake do separate that they are not without that support when I am no longer the appropriate person to provide it. This means creating space for Lake to step up and to not set additional expectations that I will be there in ways that won't last. The last thing I want is for them to get hurt and to traumatize them further by becoming absent all at once. Or to step up and become more involved only to then find myself in a different role and a more jaring transition, as their ex step mom did.

A slower transition, having Lake and them start family therapy, me seeing them just a little bit less, suggesting that Lake help them with homework instead (I'm the go to when it comes to math HW), only going to half of the sports games, etc. Making sure they have the support, and that when they need someone they can turn to Lake and not look for me [with lake] - since soon it may no longer be appropriate for me to be in that role.

But God damn it, it hurts so much. I love them and I do want to be there for every game cheering them on. I care about them so much and I don't want to be the one to hurt them - so I know it's for the best. God damn it. I really love them and I really wanted to be there. And I'm so so sad that that is probably gonna have to change.