First post, so here it goes. I grew up in a sexually void religious environment. As far back as I can remember I loved my body and being a male. I was so excited to get to puberty and become a grown physically mature man. However, about that time the religious leaders began to warn us about impure thoughts, the evils of masturbation, and masturbation being the gateway to the even deeper sin of homosexuality. So there I was with the maturing body I’d always dreamed of and now finding out I had already defiled it. I have always been the type that if you tell me not to think of girls or guys sexually, well that is the first place my mind goes.

I will try to make this short, so basically with the constant repetition of mind control regarding sexual thoughts and masturbation I became very proficient at both. My lovely supporting wife knows about my sexual thoughts about men and women. She fully satisfies my sexual needs regarding women. She doesn’t want to hold me back from other men, but she would prefer that we stay true to our marriage and not make it an open relationship. This leaves masturbation as my sole form of satisfaction for other men. My wife is fully on board with that. However, all this guilt and shame still haunts me. I feel less of a man for thinking about and looking at other men. My wife knows and encourages me to masturbate, but I still worry I will get caught and shamed like I was in the past. I have talked to her about this lingering guilt and shame, and she tells me to just get over it already. Any suggestions out there or personal experiences to help me “just get over this”?