Hi!

I'm (40F) and have been with my male partner for 12 years now. I have always known that I am drawn to women and men. The older I get I really feel like I am missing out on something since I have never been in a relationship with a woman. I only have made out with a woman once in my life. That experience was not as nice as I had imagine, but mabey it just was the wrong person.

At the moment the only thing I can think about is that I am repressing my queer side and that I would be more content in a relationship with a women. At least sexually. I mean, a relationship is still comes with it challenges.

I have preiods when I watch het porn and preiods when I watch lesbian porn. I think that without the lesbian porn I would have been really sexually unsatisified in my relationship. Although I get really turned on by my partner and can orgasm with him. But l still feel llike women turn me on more than men.

I have been reading a lot of treads here on Reddit and it seems that a lot of bi pepole are unhappy and really struggling when they are in het relationships. Like they have to repress their queer side? I am starting to wonder if bi pepole just always should be in same-sex relationships.

I also can not get my head around the difference between a romantic and sexual relationship? For me it just feels like denial if you are just drawn to the opposite sex for romantic reasons.

I find it so exhausting that I am still questioning my queer side at this age and I am just so confused how I can be drawn to both women and men sexually.

Please be kind if you answer me. I'm in a fragile state at the moment. Read some posts on latelesbianbloomers and some pepole there where really unkind to women questioning their identity.