I don't know if anyone else shares this problem. I (M25) have been with my fiancee (F24) for 10 years. I love her dearly and love the life we have built together. We only started having sex about 6 years ago. She is very vanilla and straight, while I am very kinky and bi. I got her to realize she had dominant tendencies and she has turned into a mommy domme of sorts. Also got her into pet play to an extent. The issue is she has the sex drive of a textbook and when she does watch porn in a blue moon, it's the same videos and always vanilla shit. I have a high sex drive have been very explorative and now especially that we have moved out of my parents, have been trying more and more of what I have seen and got me interested. The issue is she never initiates for sex and it leaves months between us actually doing anything. I told her whenever she wants, I should be good to go and even if she doesn't feel up to sex proper, to say the word and I'll eat her out practically on the spot. When we do, I always give it my all. I'll go down on her for like 45 minutes making sure to use my fingers to stretch her out because years of stress from her family have made her really tight down there and very sensitive to pain. In return if I'm lucky, I may get like a 3 minute blowjob. I'll make her cum like 2-4 times on average but in all the time since we've been going at it, shes gotten me to cum once without any help from me. Sexuality wise, I'm also in a bind. I came to accept my bisexuality 4 years ago and never got to explore because I was already in a long term relationship. Originally she brought up that she wanted me to be able to explore because it was something she couldn't do and brought up a hall pass, but I couldn't tell if she was testing me, or if it was genuine, and because she has a jealous streak I didn't really bring it up when she offered. Months pass and a cute guy hit on me. I made a comment, mostly in jest, of getting his number, and she got super mad. Originally, pegging was a hard no for her but she brought it up I guess in the hopes of trying to scratch that itch for me so she wouldn't have to think of me with another man, which she really doesn't like. Only issue is, shes only done it like 4 times, and like last night, she doesn't make an attempt to hide it. We normally have sex with the lights on, but the second I ask for pegging, which she has to be very drunk to consider, she turns off the lights because she doesn't want to see me like that. There are kinks I have that are more palatable, like bondage and lingerie for me, that she flat out tells me she doesn't like, even when I'm just looking at shit for myself. There are more risque kinks like pup play and cross dressing that I don't dare bring up because I'm afraid of upsetting her. Even just wearing some makeup every now and then got her mad. She said that I've changed and that she's not comfortable with it. I feel like it's an uphill battle both ways.

Tl;dr I've been in a long term straight and rather vanilla relationship with my fiancee. It's kinda a dead bedroom and whenever I bring up my kinks, my sexuality, or trying to find out who I am and express myself, it seems like I make her mad and she is only doing any of it for my sake, and honestly not to the level I'd hope. I love her dearly and she loves me. I don't want to ruin the relationship, but sexually and sexuality wise, I feel unfulfilled and its eating me up on the inside.