Wondering about other people’s experiences here. I am 40f and only just starting to acknowledge my sexuality in the last few years. I had always fantasised about women and had crushes, but because all my relationships (of which I’d had very few) were with men it was easy to ignore. Within the last few years I’ve started matching with women on apps, and been to a couple of bi events etc (as well as kink meet-ups, poly events etc as those also apply to me).

Whenever I go to these events I feel horribly socially anxious and like I don’t belong. I find it quite hard to make a connection with anyone, regardless of gender, but if eg a woman hits on me and I’m not interested in her I end up feeling intense guilt and like a fraud. I worry that I’m both too old for these events and too inexperienced (I was in a monogamous/het/vanilla relationship until only about 4 years ago). I went to a kink party a few months ago and ended up having a panic attack and leaving.

I am de facto single (I have a few casual partners/FWBs/etc but I live alone and don’t have a serious partner) and I feel really lonely sometimes. I know that the solution to this is to find similar people, but it seems like everyone else knows what they’re about and has a place, while I feel really isolated and like I’m not sure I should be here.

I also find myself doubting my own thoughts and feelings a lot. For example, I am currently dating a nonbinary person who presents male or female at different times, but because they are AMAB, I have this intrusive voice of doubt in my head saying “you only like them because they have a penis because you’re really straight” (which I know is problematic and not how it works).

Does anyone have any words of encouragement or wisdom? I feel so alone.