I'm sorry if this isn't allowed, but I don't know where else to post this and I don't have anyone to talk to about this irl. I've been with my spouse for well over a decade, and yesterday he dropped a bombshell on me that's tearing my world apart. I've known he's been bi since we first met, but yesterday he told me that he's been suicidal for years because he can't be with other men. He said that he would leave the relationship to have that freedom, if we don't make a "compromise". He said that the urges to be with a man are so strong that he can't ignore them, that basically the only options are that I let him have that freedom or he walks away. I don't understand. I feel inadequate. I feel terrible because I know it's narrow minded of me, but I can't help feeling like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. I've only ever been attracted to him and him alone, so I don't understand how his attraction to men could be so strong that he'd want to stray. Other people have attraction to people outside of their spouses all the time, but they don't act on that attraction. It's gone from him being the one feeling suicidal to me fantasizing about slitting my wrists. He said he can't ignore his attraction. I was willing to compromise and let him flirt and sext with others as long as it was completely anonymous and there was no personal connection or anything like that, but he said he craves the physical act itself. He's my entire world. My first and only love. If I lost him I wouldn't have a reason to live, but I would never ever be able to look at him the same way again if I knew he had been with someone else. Sometimes I feel like it would have been easier for both of us if I had actually killed myself years ago when I wanted to, so that way we would both be free. I don't know what to do. I'm in an impossible situation. The only world I've ever known is slipping away and I feel like I'm drowning. How do I accept him wanting to be with other people? I can't lose him. He's all I have.