So for context I’m a bi/omnisexual 21 year old trans woman. I’ve been intimate with NB and trans people and cis women, but never a cis man.

This past week I’ve been talking to a pansexual cis guy online who is interested in casual intimacy and though part of me is interested too, another part of me is uncomfortable and I don’t know if it’s him or something about my sexuality that’s causing that. Same thing also happened with an NB person who is closeted and only masc-presenting.

When I’m texting this guy, the dynamic is such that I feel like I’m the one with the power and that he has to like… earn my approval. He’s subby so that’s valid. But I’ve realized I’ve had to have him slow down or assert my boundaries numerous times over a few days, and while that’s good that I’m empowered to be able to do that, it’s happened enough that it’s quickly making me lose attraction.

Stuff like a random unsolicited dick pic that I told him caught me off guard, and he apologized but sent a video of the very same view of him finishing just a bit later. Him being seemingly not concerned about the fact that he was forced upon and basically got SA’d - based on his description - multiple times at a bathhouse (plus him saying he was into consensual nonconsent except I don’t think he realized that that kind of thing requires discussion beforehand to actually be consensual). Being a bit pushy about meeting and getting a hotel after I mentioned multiple times that I would like to meet in public and am being cautious of my safety as a trans woman, plus admitted I’m a bit nervous as I’ve never been with a cis guy before. And just general chaser vibes about wanting the ‘best of both worlds’ with me due to me being trans and a taste for straight, female trans porn stars in exploitative mainstream porn.

I don’t want to pursue anything anymore with him now that I’m this uncomfortable about it, and I’m trying to think of the best way to safely say I’m not interested after I’ve been engaging as though I am. It’s not fair to either of us if I continue that now.

The reason I’m posting it in this sub is cuz I wanted to further explore my bisexuality but this initial experience has really soured things and made me question if I’m even ready for this. I know he’s not representative of all men but it’s made me feel so vulnerable as a trans woman. What can I even do?