As I get further in my acceptance of my bisexuality, I find the desire to have a crush on a guy, a real guy: not a vague composite in my head of someone I might be attracted to, not a fictional character, not a celebrity, not an anonymous guy whose face I'll never see, but a guy I see regularly enough with my own eyes and I could conceivably have some kind of relationship with.

I want the shortness of breath, the weakness at the knees, the awkward evasiveness when I see him, the dotting of the Is in his name with little hearts lol.

It would be helpful if he had a crush on me too. And NGL, knowing a guy likes me would be a boost for my self esteem and make me feel purposeful. Also it would in a way further validate my attraction to the same sex.

What will happen beyond this? I don't know. I'm taking one step at a time, but at least I plan on taking steps.