I'm not very proud of this so bear with. Take it easy on me please, but be honest. Not even a week ago, straight guy online added me. Turns out he's in my area and digs J.O. buddies. Our chats seemed pretty chill, pervy and fun. He seemed enthusiastic to hanging and wanking out someday. So I figure I asked where he lives, is his girl cool with it and if he'd be cool with me meeting the both of them to make sure everything's kosher. He told me to slow down. I apologized, explaining when I get excited, I word vomit. He blocked me.

I feel like I fucked up. I was too thirsty and I fucked it up, as usual. I get way ahead of myself and I wonder why I can't get a call or a text back. Me being an upfront no nonsensed person is not an excuse. This is why I'm alone. I've no couth and the only person who seemed to get me was an online buddy, a girl, who now has a boyfriend. I don't get messages or texts from her anymore. Even as messed up as she is with her problems, she was like, at least, THERE y'know and I'd usually vent to her. I can't keep fucking up like this or I'll be old and alone.

Maybe it was a mistake thinking this J.O. thing could work with a straight guy. But whenever I get kicked to the curb be it by a possible friend, FWB or lover, there's always one. Single. Common. Denominator.

Me. It's no one else's fault, but my own that I hurt. I either do or say the wrong thing. Pursue the wrong people. I don't seek pity. I'm just angry at myself and it feels like typing it out would be cathartic. I haven't had any luck with either gender and it feels damning learning when I'm 31 as to why.