I'll try to keep things short cause it's a long af story lol (I lied, apparently it's still long af)

I'm female, 21 y.o. rn

Been in my first relationship with a girl back when I was 16-17 and she was 15. She was my deskmate in middle school, kept in touch even though she moved to another highschool.

We've been together for around 2 years and a half but I can't say these years didn't leave a mark. She was rather narcissistic, critical and very plain honest tbh. She expected praise and attention but didn't want to reciprocate these much. We'd get into stupid arguments cause apparently she was too "real" while I was more onto the sentimental, emotional side. And oh boy, these arguments would leave me crying for a night, and then go back to her and APOLOGIZE that I didn't talk to her for a day and reacted "badly" by crying. She never apologized once for any of her behavior.

She was also ace, but she'd be very demanding when she was in the mood to make out. If I ever tried to cuddle or make a move and she didn't want to, she'd literally hiss at me and I'd leave her alone and give her space. But if I ever didn't feel like kissing she'd get mad or make fun of me.

Fast forward to 2017 after her birthday, I had a talk with my bff about relationships and stuff and it got me thinking about mine. All around 2017 she didn't really want to meet, or if I ever was excited to meet she wouldn't be. We barely saw each other twice or something and during the last meeting she got angry that I wasn't turned on by her anymore.

Told her I felt like we drifted away romantically and that I think I only see her as a close friend rn. She seemed ok with it and we agreed to stay in touch.

We'd chat on Discord mostly, and after the break up we barely sent each other YT videos or whatever. Whenever I would ask her how's she doing, she'd never reply or give me a one liner. She pretended her discord was not working even though she kept switching between Do not Disturb and Online, while also showing that she's playing Warframe.

A week after the break up she tells me she's in a poly relationship with a friend from her highschool, friend who already had a gf too for a while apparently. She claimed that they get together amazing and everything is platonic and stuff. I kind of had my suspicions that the friend had an interest in her, as I've met that friend like twice during some birthday parties.

3 months passed, I was in an online relationship with another girl, and haven't exchanged a word with my ex all that while. I talked about the relationship with my then gf and with my friend from before and they all agreed it was rather emotionally abusive. Figured the friend phase was no longer there(since no chatting) and eventually I blocked her on whatever social media we had.

That evening she legit dms me on Whatsapp (forgot I had her number) and asks me why do I wanna get her out of my life etc. And then at the end she tells me if I ever want to return to her she'll be fine with it(knowing her, it would only enhance her ego if anyone came crawling back to her).

Anyway, the other relationship didn't work for me either as apparently the girl was trying to manipulate me into thinking all my friends were jerks and she wasn't.

In the end what I got from my ex was low self esteem(she told me once: "okay you're not pretty, x friend is pretty but I'm not talking to her; see? I don't talk to people based on looks" :'') killed me right on the spot as an 18 y.o. back then) and anxiety from any cyan blue jacket I see on the street(she always wore that).

Why am I venting here? Cause I just saw my ex's poly gf 5 minutes ago in the subway and it triggered a few things.

Part of me misses the good parts of the relationship, but then I remember how shit I felt and how often I felt like that because of her.