Skip to TLDR to address the main topic only, or read my personal account if you'd like to respond to me specifically – both very much appreciated :)

25F here. "Mostly straight" growing up, but now in general leaning towards women, even while having feelings for men. But –– I haven't been in any long term relationships with men recently, and I find myself constantly blaming it on my bisexuality, more specifically by framing it in a bi-phobic way, ie telling myself: you're just "too gay," why did you think you could date men, all your past "straight" feelings were fake, you're a fraud, you're just using men to mask the fact that you're actually gay, etc etc...

I have had a few sexual/physical experiences with women, but nothing to really confirm "yup I definitely like sleeping/kissing/being with women more." All of my cherished physical/affectionate memories are still about men. Just wanted to add that in case people asked or were wondering. None of this changes the fact that I am more interested in women now (I would say I'm at 80/20 towards women) and only rarely into men.

Thing is, I feel stuck. I wish I was ok with this all. I just want to be happy and be ok with my attractions and dating women, no matter if I remain bi or transition to being a lesbian, but I get so overwhelmed by this wave of anxiety about it all that it's almost nauseating. I don't suffer from massive panic or anxiety attacks, but I seriously feel so light headed/dizzy sometimes from my anxiety that I feel my head will explode. And the aftermath of that normally is feeling completely sad and hopeless. My feelings of anxiety tend to be heightened when I’m going through a cycle where my interest in women peaks.

I think my anxiety comes from a) the fact that dating women is still so scary and new to me; b) the self-blaming and internalised bi-phobia / bi-erasure as mentioned above; c) fearing permanent change in my sexuality and letting go of the past.

Help help help. I do not have any bi friends to talk to about any of this.

TLDR; If you've ever felt anxiety over your bi-cycles, fluidity, or internalised bi-phobia, what coping methods did you use to overcome these negative feelings?