looking back, i still remember when i had "feelings" for a girl. it was when she stopped playing "gf" with me.

this was during the pandemic, i was in twitter for some time and we met there. back then it was common to flirt as a joke and when we first talked in a group chat we were in, we were flirting all over the place. we were flirting like crazy for a while, especially on tl (i mean, every woman had this experience with their friends right?) and then she joked about breaking up with me. just like how we flirted we started this whole break up fiasco and it hurt like hell. that time, i thought i am bisexual, but now? i feel like shit and i feel like i'm faking it 😞

after her, i never really had any experiences with a woman. i never had any crushes or anything like that, just some common "oh she looks pretty" but it was not intense and fluttery like how i had it with men. though, after the pandemic, i actually had a crush on a girl but i don't i really liked her because i feel like it was not as exciting as i thought it would feel, seeing how my queer friends had it.

sexually tho, i am turned on by women a lot of times, my first time feeling it was when i saw a woman undressing on tv ( undies droppping and all implying that she's rlly naked ) which made me really into pornographic materials at such a young age ( i was 8 idk ) ever since then, i only watch porn when the woman enjoys it or when the woman does the seducing or whenever she's expressing her enjoyment over the activity. i hate it when men act rough and the woman sounds like she's hurting ): i even m*sturb4ted to it sometimes.

the fact that i don't really enjoy yuri media adds to the fact that i feel like faking it. i mean how could you not enjoy yuri when you're into women? does that even makes sense?

currently, i think i have a crush on a girl but at the same time i feel like i'm faking it. i don't really think about her as much as i did with my male crushes but i really think she's a good person. i love being around her and she's really sweet to me, patting my head and all. it makes me happy whenever she's coming at me asking for a hug or whenever she's patting my head and commenting about my hair. she laughs at my jokes, too and is a good company overall. i feel like i like her but at the same time i just feel like i'm just happy that someone actually enjoys my company.

i don't feel like the urge of trying to be with her or like that. i don't think of her that much. i rarely feel a flutter that would make me kick in the air like i do with men. it was frustrating. at this point i'm thinking if i really like her or i just confused my feelings about women in general.

please tell me your honest opinion 😞 might as well roast me if you can. i'm really confused.