I like men, but i feel like i like women too, but i then second guess myself and convince myself that im pretending or i just want to be them because they are pretty or have the body i would want for myself etc. I always say im straight if someone ask because im not sure and it's just easier. In like the 5th grade i was pretty sure i was bi, but a year later i felt like i didn't care for women like that anymore, but now years later i have started to feel that i might like women again.

I have never really had a crush on a girl like irl except this one barista i saw one time and thought about her like a week, i have liked many fictional charecters that are women or atleast thought about being in a relationship with, but i dont know if that counts. I have had many crushes on men irl and fictional, mostly my crushes are men, but I always think it is easier to find prettier women than men, finding rarely men that i think are like truly handsom, but ofcourse there are like moments when i am just jealious about some girl's hair etc. And i would just want to look like her, but i wouldn't like wanna date her.

At one point i had a dream life visioned for myself, that i was a housewife, two kids and a doctor husband, that was my dream life, i couldn't even imagine it with a woman, but now that i have started to feel again that i like women, i can imagine my life with one.

I have never been together with anyone, but thought about intamisy with a man makes me like nervous and im irl kinda uncomfortable/nervous around men, but not with women and thinking about intamisy with a woman doesnt make me like nervous or it isn't as scary and i fantazise about both.

On TikTok i hear stories when someone was a kid and still like in "closet" and wanted to kiss their friends during sleepover while playing like truth or dare, but i have never wanted to kiss any of my friend who all are part of the Lgbtq and girls, it just would feel super wrong, also i dont really wanna talk about my sexual orientation with them.

I dont know if this is a dumb post, but i would just like to figure myself out and maybe here i could get some clarity.