hi! this is gonna be hella tmi! how does one (a woman) know if she is enjoying sex with a man. lately I haven't been enjoying sex too much with my boyfriend and its sent me into the throes of ocd wondering if im a lesbian. sex with him in any form has always been fun but now im suddenly worried ive never enjoyed it. its not passionate like porn but it does feel nice and we both get pleasure out of it. is it normal to be really awkward with eye contact? or dirty talk? when he and I first started dating with felt more powerful now its just kinda part of the routine? like its still nice but doesn't turn me on like it used to. same with him tying me up? maybe its cuz that takes a min, I worry that my arousal is going down cuz I dont feel that intense "I need you right now" thing but it is still passionate once he's done the tying and im still aroused, at the beginning it was definitely more of an I need you thing cuz it was still fresh and we always wanted to be touching each other and making out. maybe its an adhd dont want to lose the moment thing lol and maybe the novelty of seeing him without a shirt on or without pants has worn off. looking at him doesn't turn me on much we have to be touching and teasing for me to get turned on, him being a man he gets a kiss and he has a boner lol, which I find really funny. most times if its not the right moment I do nothing about said boner cuz its not a "I want to fuck you boner" its just a "pretty girl kissed me" boner lol. if he has his shirt off I will stare at him eyes wide but it doesn't immediately turn me on unless he comes over and starts smooching me.

I know even if im slightly more sexually attracted to women it doesn't take away my attraction to men, specifically my bf, but I worry that if I somehow end up in a sexual situation with a woman im gonna realize what actual pleasure is and I suddenly become a lesbian. ive never really wanted sex with a woman before, it does seem fun but I do enjoy his penis and body a lot. its not the same hot and heavy enjoyment at the beginning but its still enjoyment. I love touching him and everything. I have experienced real mind melting pleasure with my boyfriend at the beginning of this before we started actually having sex (we were scared virgins ok, we needed time lol) and when we first had sex it was in a backdoor spike (a period of semi clarity and calm in ocd) it was incredible and I couldn't stop thinking about it. lately, maybe cuz of school stress and ocd related guilt, its been hard to be in the moment during sex and thats why im not enjoying it as much, usually if im in a semi decent headspace I enjoy it and want to go for a while (if he can lol) but lately its been a quick one and done for a few hours. sometimes it hurts going in so, lube. sometimes he isn't hard fully cuz meds, once he has one really strong boner and it goes away the subsequent ones are pretty weak.

ive always finished when it came to sex with him, he usually does, his meds make it difficult to. I worry he's unsatisfied but he assures me he is. he's very good at making sure im at least satisfied if he isn't. it's really nice honestly. idk maybe its just the ocd flaring up really bad cuz I dont see him as that attractive lately when it comes to sex specifically. im worried that if I talk about it to my friends im not describing it as "oh my god he rocked my world" I just say "its really nice having sex with him, its fun getting him riled up" and I sometimes describe the tying up. im just really awkward and dont share every detail, maybe the position or where we did it.

idk I guess im just worried im performing cuz of comphet even tho I do have genuine feelings and sexual attraction to this man so its not that I know that, and my ocd is just convincing me otherwise, its just school and other priorities are making it really difficult to feel both those lovey feelings (and if I chase them the more they run, idk how to stop trying to find them) and sexual attraction and make my rocd/soocd flare up insanely.

so if anyone has any tips on how I know im enjoying it, or how to enjoy it more when I have flareups of my anxiety issues, I would really appreciate it. soocd is a bitch and so is rocd I hate them both and idk what the hell to do here, im really worried its neither type of ocd and I actually just hate him and am not attracted to him and reading that I want to almost laugh cuz huh?? ive been with him for 10 months and I love him so much, its hard to feel it when im anxious but I know its there if that makes sense. if it was comphet I would've been sick of him and not want to touch him or feel uncomfortable doing so. I am none of those things. I could be generalizing comphet, I apologize if I am, ive read through the masterdoc and sure I relate to some things cuz im bisexual but not all of it. reading late bloomer lesbian stories also doesn't help the ocd/anxiety. im starting to feel nausea when im around him but I think thats anxiety related and not a "ive realized im a lesbian I dont like him" thing cuz I do like him, and I do want a future with him im pretty sure rocd makes it really blurry lately, and I like having sex with him. so yeah. my brain is a maze of stupid sometimes. there have been days where ive felt really good, and others where im really unsure. most days it has been the unsure bit. which makes me worry I have fallen out of love and its not ocd.

sorry for the ocd related ramble, losing my marbles this time of year. thank you fellow bis <33 love y'all