Hey guys,

I‘ve come here because I thought you might be a community of people who get how I‘m feeling.

Let me preface this by saying, ever since I found out about sexuality as a young teenage guy, I knew I was sexually attracted to girls/women. This never changed. I’ve had 2 long term relationships with girls before and I was sexually satisfied during those relationships. I tried watching some gay porn when I was trying things out in my later teens years, but it never really turned me on. Men never made me horny, and I couldn‘t and still can’t imagine having sex with a dude neither as a top nor as a bottom.

But - and that‘s why I‘m here - I have had numerous points in my life where I started questioning my relation to certain guys in my life. Back in high school I had a best friend I‘d spend most of my time with, during and after school. We were very close and were very open about our emotions, our problems, our goals, our life and everything. And I had a connection with him that I can‘t quite name. I felt like after a while I started feeling romantically attracted to him. As in, he made me feel at home, he gave me strength, he wasn‘t draining but recharging my social battery and overall just made me a happier person. Something I‘ve only felt for my girlfriend before at that time.

And now, fast forward a couple of years, in the past 7 months after starting a new job, I‘ve made a new friend in a coworker of mine at that company. The past few weeks we‘ve been getting to know each other a bit better and I found out he shares a lot of the struggles I‘m going through. Namely, addiction. He invited me to go with him when attending NA meetings and simply going to these meetings with him has been working wonderfully. I actuallly got clean, it‘s only been 6 days but I‘m confident this will last. However, I‘m going off topic. There that feeling is again. I‘m not physically attracted to him, I don‘t personally think he‘s hot (though he is a handsome guy objectively 100%) and I don‘t wanna have sex with him. But I feel like I can see myself in a relationship with him. It‘s really weird. Like, I wanna be with him, I have feelings for this guy, but there‘s no sexual attraction. This really confuses me and I honestly don‘t know what to think or feel about all this. My best guess would be that I‘m bi-“romantic”, but idk if that’s a thing. And even if, how could I be in a relationship with someone I can’t see myself having sex with?

Have any of you had similar experiences? How did you deal with it? The disparity between romantic and sexual attraction I have for this guy is starting to really drag me and I’m having sleepless nights contemplating whether something is wrong with me for only being able to feel romantic attraction to men.

PS: I know this post is all over the place, please cut me some slack, I’m writing this up at 2am because it’s not letting me sleep and I just had to put all of this out there in hopes of finding someone who has gone through this and can share their story.