I was hanging out with my mom today and thought about telling her I was looking at women dating profiles. I’ve joked with my sisters that I should date women next, but idk if I’ve ever joked about it with my mom. My mom is very Lutheran and I’ve already “put her through a lot” by being openly atheist, pro-choice, and bipolar…honestly I just feel like I’m a lot, I feel like I’m going to overwhelm her if I do date a girl and let her know, it’s almost like I do absolutely everything I can to not be normal and worry and stress her out haha.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had any advice. I know she wouldn’t reject me, but I feel like it’s a sort of sensitive time for me to share this with her if I haven’t even kissed a girl yet. I’ve been going through medication changes and I feel like if I tell her now she’s really going to just think it’s a phase and part of me being hypomanic, when really I’ve just had internalized homophobia most of my life and after getting over that just never realized I could have fulfilling sex with women before this year…I’m just slow.

On top of all that, I practiced nonmonogamy when I lived half a country away from her and only mentioned it to my family in passing once, and they acted perplexed and like they hadn’t heard me. And now that I’m out of friends to date, I don’t feel that it’s worth it for me to attempt monogamy ever again. I just dated my best friend and there’s no way I could cut him out of my life to ease another guy or girl’s insecurities. Yeah I’m aware that some people would still be okay with that, but honestly I’m not anymore, I’m tired of feeling guilty for fantasizing about other people while in a monogamous relationship. With all that said, it would be years of nonmonogamous dating before I’d come out to my family about nonmonogamy.

Thanks for reading and coming along for the ride.

Oh and I don’t have to worry about coming out to my dad because he’s dead. Honestly if he were still around I think it would be even easier to come out. I was always closer to him.

Edit: I’m a woman by the way, not sure how obvious that was.