I want to be clear that I know sexual orientation isnt caused by trauma, but sexual behaviour can be and sometimes its difficult to know if ur doing something/wanting to do something because of attraction/orientation or because of behaviour.

In my case, Im guy who always thought he was straight, but due to childhood SA, I started doing different kinds of sex work (with men as clients obviously). While I never (at least before thought if myself as attracted to men, I was very attracted to doing sex work even if the clients were men. And since they always were, I kindof ended up getting an attraction to performing sexual acts with men I guess. It started as a thing about money, sure, but since I got aroused by doing sexual acts with men for money I kindof ended up being aroused by sex with men period. And now Im in this weird state where I know sexual attraction to men is okay and healthy, and I know my attraction to sex work with men was not healthy and due to trauma, and I also KNOW that my ”attraction to men” developed from attraction to sex work. And its also worth noting that my ”attraction” to men only started when I got in a relationship and could no longer do sex work because it was cheating.

So now basically I dont know if this attraction is real or not, or if its just an alternative to sex work that allows my brain to keep those toxic thoughts of sex work without having to actually do it and end up cheating.

I know people probably gonna say ”go to therapy”, but these kinds of experiences has got to be common right? Anyone else relates and how did u figure out what of your sexual behaviour was due to SA and what was your ”real sexuality?”? Or if there arent any other men here relating maybe someone who is lesbian thought they liked men but later realized it was just a coping mechanism? Or maybe someone else relates? Please let me know, I feel very alone in this confusion lol❤️