Posting this on my alt because idek what to do anymore im so overwhelmed and just need opinions/advice/help. I think im bi/pansexual and im ok just need a lot of help and someone to talk it through with. A quick summary of my story can be summed bellow

When I was just graduating high school I was your stereotypical jock straight man. I loved sports and just was overall a very masculine man. Over the next year 18-19 looking back there was some small changes but nothing major to pick up on but I started noticing small things like I started to become a bit more timid and to myself and became less of a let’s hookup and fuck guy and more of let’s cuddle soft boy who’d still do the same things just very different personality. Once I turned 19 this is when I started noticing big changes and felt myself becoming more feminine/bi. I had began hating seeing hair on my body/face and pretty much started shaving myself all the time. I started to distance myself from homophobic friends. I began to notice difference in the porn I watched and experimented with trans/femboy stuff and liked it(also still watched straight stuff lol). Then in public I saw me catch myself looking at asses and they weren’t girls and they were guys and didn’t feel like I was wrong and slowly thought oh wtv an ass is an ass. Eventually started realizing about 7 months ago that maybe I wasn’t straight and it wasn’t some fetish but I didn’t really have anyone to come out to. At this point in time I was completely in denial and just kept telling myself it was a faze and I was straight. The last 7 months are the real rollercoaster. I’ve still gotten with females but have been more interested in feminine men then ever before. I cut off anyone in my life that’s homophobic(pretty much every male friend I had) and just tried to be my true self. I tried to accept myself but felt like I was still living a double life until 2 weeks ago this all changed. One of my platonic female friends had some of her friends over 10-15 of us a few guys mostly girls to just chill and watch tv. One of them is a flirt gay (this is important). Night was fine but eventually the girls asked some of the guys to get them coffee and me and him went because I was just trying to be nice and so was he. We got in his car and he pecked my check and I started blushing and he turns to me and says trust me I know you and started laughing. I felt really embarrassed and then he convinced me to hook up with him and I’m ngl it felt completely normal and I loved it. I asked him to please keep this between us and he agreed and said dw I like the fun of it being my little secret. Ever since then I’ve been thinking I’m bi but I’m attracted to femine oriented people and have started to become feminine oriented myself as more habits,behaviours lead towards traditional feminine activity. I don’t live in an open accepting household and if I came out I’d get shamed. I just need people to talk me through this because I’m really been stressing out over this and is coming my life. Is it so wrong I just want to live a life I’m scared to win. I just want people to like me for who I am, not who I feel obligated to pretend to be.

If anyone has any comments or just can offer to talk to me it’d be huge and I’d love it. More than anything I have lots of weight on me and just want to release it and be myself to someone at least!