This is a follow up post to my last one.

Sorry for the long update…

https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/s/WZOTfOJsyh

The TLDR is basically how I (straight guy) got turned on by the smell of my friends boxers at the gym, and got confused and scared on whether it made me gay or not.

THIS POST TLDR-hooked up with a guy on Grindr to try and experiment, but ended up getting pretty drunk, and going way further with him than I’d planned and ended up making out, sucking his dick and even eating his ass and cuddling. Now I’m more freaked out than I was in my first post. But I still don’t feel like I’m gay.

I received a lot of thoughtful advice, comments, and tbh tough love lol. Reading it all really put it into perspective for me and made me realize there was nothing to be ashamed or scared of. So after that I downloaded Grindr because I decided to get to the bottom of this.

After looking around for a bit, I ended up chatting with a guy that I vibed with and we made plans to hook up. I told him that I was just a bit confused and wanted to experiment a bit and wasn’t looking to do anything crazy and he said that was cool. But I ended up going way further than I initially thought (I thought maybe we’d just gently kiss for a bit, and I’d have my answer but it didn’t just stop there).Tbf, It didn’t help that he was really chill and we had maybe a bit too much to drink. Anyway, looking back on what we did now sober, I’m extremely embarrassed. And this isn’t coming from an internalized homophobia kind of way that I was in my last post. It’s just that I still feel like I’m straight but can’t believe what I did with this guy.

First of all he was really dominant but in a sweet kind of way. Usually with girls you always have to be the one taking the lead and it could get a bit old at times. He was just really good at controlling the mood and situation. He was also a fair bit bigger than me and muscley, but like dad bod muscley. Tbh he treated me like a princess and I kind of liked it. After chatting for a bit, he kept inching closer and closer and before I knew it we started kissing. But not a playful kiss like I thought, this was like full on tongue down my throat, passionate making out. I was caught really off guard at first but soon I kinda just sunk into it and went with it. It felt really comforting to be the smaller one when kissing and his cuddly manly body felt so good to be wrapped in. I could never really grow facial hair, but this guy had a killer beard. Not like duck dynasty, but just a nice manly beard, and it felt really different when kissing but also really nice. I’m pretty sure we had to have been making out for like 20 minutes at least, before he asked if I’d suck his dick. I hesitated at first but for some reason I just went into like “wanting to please him mode” or something and just wanted to do whatever he wanted, I can’t really explain it.

Those of you who said the reason I got turned on by the smell of my friends boxers was cause I liked the smell of dick can celebrate, but don’t rub it in.

But when I pulled his pants down and his dick was right in front of me, the smell was fucking intoxicating. Again, I’ve eaten girls out before and it was really nothing special, if anything the smell kinda grossed me out at times. But I immediately started sucking his dick. This went on for about another 20 when he asked if I’d eat his ass. That initial disgusted reaction came back but for some reason again, I just didn’t care and just wanted to listen to what he said. The smell of his ass was so strong but as soon as I started eating him out I started to enjoy the taste/smell. (Can’t believe I just fucking admitted this btw)

After that I sucked his dick some more, we made out some more, smoked some weed, watched a movie, cuddled and fell asleep, and I drove home in the morning.

The sheer dread I felt during the drive of shame was palpable. I couldn’t believe the shit I’d done. Once I’d sobered up, ironically, I was more freaked out than I was after the boxer incident. I know some of you are going to laugh but I still don’t really think I’m gay. I’m still attracted to girls and think they’re pretty, and I’m not really physically attracted to guys. Their faces just don’t do it for me. I feel like being drunk didn’t help either. Like I just can’t imagine myself dating another man. I feel like that night was just a huge mistake.

I know I’m gonna sound like a broken record and at this point not really looking for advice per se, but moreso just your impressions of my situation, cause I know a lot of you are screaming told you so at you’re phones but I’d still really appreciate some feedback.