So for context It started with HOCD for about 4 years and before that was straight my entire life and was never attracted to men but had always had weird feelings whenever I saw gay things on tv even though I wasn’t sure what it meant and even was aroused sometimes wich just made go like “ayo wtf that’s weird” and also when I was a baby I was molested by a teenager (my therapist said that this could be a reason as to why I had those reactions to those things if I was or am straight, just felt like I should mention it) anyways for the past for like a year after I watched gay porn everyday and was disgusted by it for months and months to see if I was straight (the very first time I liked it briefly) and got desensitized to it and than became into it and have kinda just been dealing the some denial but a lot of HOCD and testing and a whole lot of bs through the last two years. Anyways I’m bi now and have made peace with it but like my question is like why do I like not really like what am I so much more into gay porn than straight porn or women even. Like before I was bi I loved women so much and would get so into and turned on by them but like now it’s a struggle to and the feeling isn’t nearly as intense as it was but with gay porn the feeling is so intense and am way more into it, like I still like women and am into it but like with gay porn it’s just different. Also like most of the time I don’t really like guy ass or duck or really any feature of guys (horny or not horny I still like them sometimes) like idk before with women whenever I see a pair of “tits or a nice ass” it was always damn man those are nice but with dudes 70% the time it’s like “idk why tf I like that shit sometimes cuz that’s just gross” the other 30% I like what I see. Idk like when I see any women I’m like “damn man she’s so beautiful” but like I’m not like attracted to it necessarily and men it’s the complete opposite (this isn’t always the case ofc there are outliers and alot of the time I am attracted to women to but sometimes I’m not) anyways like idk I haven’t been like really really into women and that shit just kinda fucking really sucks cuz I love women and even though I enjoy men and like them I just wish it was only women I was into and attracted to. Like I just wish I felt the same attraction and like was into them the same way I was before cuz now it’s like a shell of what it once was and with men like I am into it and attracted to it but rarely like have that same feeling that I have with women (idk how to describe it but like idk something is just missing if that makes sense) like it’s so weird like it really makes me sad that I can’t enjoy women like I used to and also that I’m son sexually into the gay stuff cuz like it’s just when I do that it’s like overdrive and like idk how else to describe it ig. I kinda just like really miss the old me tbh. Idk has anyone had the same problem or like experiences, like how can I be more into women again?