Hey babes. I'm 21(f) and I want to get a thing off my chest and perhaps talk about it to other people, to see yall's perspective.

So ever since I was 10 I knew I liked women. First relationship was with a woman, first kiss, first sexual experience etc. And I've always loved women with a burning passion.

However, I did date a man and it was - okay.

I liked him and all but I never in my life could figure out if I actually saw a future with him or not.

And to be fair, the entire relationship I had with this dude was just so. Confusing and weird because ultimately I was on a constant ptsd episode and he'd always try and help so I got attached to him.

Also weird thing is that, I never got jealous with him, but when I did get jealous was when I knew he'd be out with pretty girls (and I'd want them mine ofc lol).

I thought I was in love with him but getting out of that relationship I realized he was an escape to my problems than anything else. I was seeking out the high of him pulling up and "saving" me in moments i needed him (I KNOW!!!! I TAKE MEDS NOW)

I loved speaking about women to him. And I was fine with hearing him speak about it back. In another setting (a Girlfriend) i would've probably spiraled.

Now, the practical side of it is solved in my mind, I did enjot the intimacy side of it but I wouldn't seek it out easily at all. So yes, I am bisexual in that sense.

Romantically though? When I think that I may get in a relationship with a guy I freak the fuck out and immediately spiral thinking I can't be bi I can't be bi. I haven't had relationship trauma from men, by the way.

Do you think I'm bisexual homoromantic? Do you think I'm just traumatized by growing up with an unstable dad?

And when a guy comes up to ask me out, 9,9/10 times i will not be interested, what do I tell him? I don't wanna say I'm a lesbian because I'm not; but I don't wanna explain the separation between romance and sexuality again I'm tired HAHAHHA. Is there another word?

Thank u so so much