Before my current gf, I always assumed I would end up with a man and consider myself a bit more male leaning in my attraction.

I think part of it is the thought that being with a man is more "feminine" in nature due to heterosexuality being like a "default" and as a trans woman who hates being trans, I crave every bit of that femininity and want to get rid of as many trans stereotypes of myself as I can, and I know one of those stereotypes is dating other trans women (which I'm doing right now)

I also know there's things with every gender and unique person that I wouldn't get with anyone else, so I know there's things I crave with a man that I don't have right now, but I worry if I did break up to find a man, that I'd miss things I had with a woman.

I can't stop thinking about it recently and it's eating at me. I wonder if it's also just stemming from dissatisfaction in my relationship if none of that seems normal since I think that's been increasing as well.

I feel awful about it and don't know what to do.