I've been married to my wife for less than a year. We met when I was really young, around 16, and we dated for 2 years until we broke up and were on and off for about another year. After officially breaking up, I was hooking up with a lot of people from Tinder and Hinge. It was mostly men, but some women here and there. We got married just 4 months after rekindling last year, and now I'm thinking that we jumped the gun.

I miss being with men. I haven't felt sexually satisfied since we got back together. I think she's attractive, and I enjoy topping her, but I just don't want to be topped by her. We've branched out sexually by buying toys, candles, oils, etc. We've experimented with our kinks, foreplay etc. I just miss feeling a man get hard while we're making out. I miss giving men oral. I miss getting smacked around and roughhoused. I miss the intuitive, almost animalistic way men fuck. Mostly, I miss my independence. I miss being able to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted. I miss not having responsibilities. Bills to pay for, a home to look after. I miss having the "young experience." I miss being able to blow my paychecks on concert tickets because I have no worries. Spending my money on myself, etc.

But I love her, and I care about her and don't want to hurt her. She already knows about how I feel, and she gave me "permission" to "get it out of my system" but I know she's just saying this to get me to stay with her. I feel like she deserves more, but I'm worried about her if we get a divorce. Any advice? I'm at a crossroads.