Ok…

33 year old guy, was in 3 super long term relationships with women that took up my whole dating life until I was 31. When my last one ended (10 year relationship), I was finally able to look at my sexuality more clearly and determine that I definitely am not alll the way straight.

Cut to: 2 years later, have dated some non-binary people and trans women and have hooked up with a handful of guys. I like everything I’m doing with all of these people; top, bottom, side, whatever. When I’m with non-binary people, women, or trans women (who are fully just women but I feel the need to say distinctly for the purposes of this discussion), I have practically no problem getting hard. When I’m with guys, I’m still having a good time but when I’m making out with them and things are starting to get hot, I have a little voice in my head that says “are you really gay though? You don’t have to do this. If you were really into this you’d be hard by now.” At this point my thoughts are going crazy and I’m almost certainly not going to get hard. This has happened like 4-5 times with guys and never with other gender identities.

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking, or if this is internalized homophobia, or if I’m genuinely not attracted to men. I feel like I’m attracted to men, but I will say it’s less physical than my attraction to other gender identities. I like having sex with men but I keep having this problem which fully ruins the experience for me. I just want to know if anyone has any advice or if something similar has ever happened to them