O.P - 21 M, bi. Here is my story of how I explored my orientation and sexuality.

In school, I used to carry this vague, almost automatic, homophobia. I didn't even understand why I felt the way I did, but Bollywood's endless stream of queer-shaming jokes certainly played its part in shaping my attitude. I was never a bully, but I harbored this quiet disdain—though, thinking back, it wasn’t even that strong. Just a conditioned dislike that I never questioned.

Then came my 10th grade, the moment that flipped the switch, even if I refused to see it. I was watching Dishoom movie on TV, that scene where Varun Dhawan and John Abraham's characters were in a pool, their toned bodies and overwhelming masculinity on display. For the first time, I had this electric reaction, a mix of awe and something else—something that, if I'm being honest, gave me a full-on boner. It was goosebumps-worthy, yet I shoved it into a corner of my mind, denied what it meant. I convinced myself it was nothing more than an admiration for "fitness."

Fast forward to my PU college days. I was in an all-boys' institution, and that's where things got more complicated. There was this guy—handsome, cute, and honestly, someone who made me feel things I couldn’t quite name at the time. He was caring, even though he teased me a lot, but I felt completely comfortable around him. He was friendly to everyone, but our dynamic felt different, special, even though I stayed in denial. To top it all off, I also fell for a girl from another institution around the same time. It was this weird, messy tangle of feelings—one side pulling me toward him, the other toward her. I didn’t know which attraction was "real," so I let that confusion carry me through the rest of my school years.

It wasn’t until COVID hit, when I was stuck in my room and met an online friend, that things started to change. She introduced me to BL dramas, and that was the moment everything clicked. It felt like I was finally allowed to explore all those feelings I had pushed aside, both for the boy and the girl. The more I watched, the more I understood. This wasn't about picking a side. It was about embracing all the parts of me I had ignored for so long. I realized I’m bisexual, and for the first time, I felt comfortable in my own skin.

I guess I can't be the only one here who explored sexuality in this way. It seems quite cliche in a way similar to movies like that.