Im not sure if this meets NFSW qualifications or not but not trying to see anyone get into trouble over reading my post at work. V

So let start here since I've been gone a while, last post may have been me giving a gay guy a dildo to get him to fuck off.... so im 43/male I am pretty open with my sexuality which is bi heteromantic I believe, love women and romantic solely with women, however I like to suck and fuck guys once in a while. Well I've only been out for 2 yrs and 2 months, I came out when I met the women of my dreams.

This woman checked every box on my list, literally like I manifested her because I wanted a woman to want me and look at me the way guys were doing. The first night she said was bi and liked bibguys but her last one would sneak off and fuck guys and hide it. She was okay as long as she was aware type of deal.

So im wanting to tell her im bi and have hooked up with guys etcm. But after her telling me about the ex I wasn't sure. I decided to tell her all, which made me fall quick for her. She was the first girl I had told i was bi and what I've done. She freaking loved it. Well I met a guy while her and I were talking he liked me and I don't date guys or feel that way.

So I told her that if she broke my heart or we didnt make it that I couldn't date another woman because she is the standard and I'd rather be single then date someone i wasnt into completely. Lol fast forward 2 yrs she broke my heart and I stuck to the no more dating anyone lol

Then he comes back into my life and I realized he did exactly what she did for me making me feel special and I started imagining me and him doing stuff as a couple. We had hooked up in the past, and I always liked having fun with him. He told me how much he likes me and how he will treat me like a king and I already am comfortable with him, I even let him in me for a minute once amd he is the only guy to have that opportunity.

Now I'm really seeing that he makes me feel exactly like she did. No man has ever done this to me, I can end being single and be with someone that really likes me and wants to be with me for me. I just never thought id even consider this happening. I told him things I never told a guy before, I never wanted to cuddle with a guy but I told him I want to try it so I can see how it feels and if it's like it was with a woman. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know how I really feel about doing it, having a bf and swore it couldn't happen lol...but I don't want any other girl but her. He actually makes me feel like she does and it kinda scares me, but he told me we can keep it private and that made me happy to hear, but I'm confused or just indenial of my feelings about a guy?

Any advice is welcome if it's positive. I'm really in my h3ad about this one. Is it because we are told it's wrong and we get brainwashed or is it just this person is good for me and just go with it and see. Idk I'm looking for answers and support